I just want to say, I really dislike “helpless” people. You know the ones, the perpetual victim.
I hate the phrase “It’s not my fault”. It is right up there with “It just happened”. The other good one is “It isn’t fair!”
I see it a lot from people, people who spend all their time upset because bad stuff just keeps happening to them.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I completely understand, sometimes it just seems like one person has a run of bad luck. Sometimes it gets overwhelming and you just want to pout/whine/yell for awhile. Sometimes you need to send out invitations to the pity party, and that’s ok.
But, when it becomes a way of life, when EVERYTHING is the worst thing ever, maybe you really are the problem. (I am using the collective you, I am not talking to any of my readers specifically.)
I joke with Brad all the time, if you feel you have to remind me ALL the time how much you hate drama, it is probably because you know I won’t notice on my own. Have you ever noticed the people who hate drama the most are always the ones who have so much of it?
Life isn’t just happening to you. When you make a choice, you have to accept the consequences for it. If you answer a text and rear end the car in front of you, that didn’t “just happen” to you. It was because of a choice you made. I know a woman who was upset because her ex-husband kept showing up to run in marathons she was running in, she got a lot of advice, that maybe she should find a different marathon, and she got indignant. Why should SHE have to change things, this was HER race, and it wasn’t FAIR, HE could leave. And please remember, she hates drama. Except, why would he leave? Her running in the marathon didn’t bother him. So, her options were either to ignore him or change marathons. And you would have thought someone told her that her options were to cut off her left or her right arm. She did neither, caused a lot of drama, and then complained how bad things keep happening to her, she keeps seeing him. No, this bad thing was not happening to her, she was choosing to allow it to.
I did go through this whole “Why is this happening to me?” when my ex left. And with time and space, I can see where my mistakes were. I didn’t deserve to have it all happen, but, I could have put a stop to it a million different times. And now, instead of “Why me?” I ask “Why not me?” I honestly think I am pretty amazing, but, I also realize, I’m not that special, I am not a good enough person to even pretend I deserve a perfect life. This is not fishing for compliments from my dear friends, I promise. I’m not having a low self esteem moment, Like I said, I think I’m pretty awesome, I do consider myself a good person, but I am certainly not arrogant enough to believe that entitles me to a life free from crap.
Life is harder to deal with when you are always the victim. When you have no control, it’s easy to spiral out of control. You have to take back the control. If you can accept ANY of the responsibility for the bad, it becomes easier to deal with, because you feel like you can stop something from happening again. You can acknowledge the lessons learned. If you can choose to live in purpose, it is easier and truly nicer than living passively. Letting life happen TO you is no way to go through life.
And, sometimes the changes needed won’t be fun, they won’t be fair, but they will change the situation, and they will change circumstances and you will be taking back some power. You can be right or you can be happy. Live on purpose!