Intentional. This is my word of the year. I don’t usually do New Years Resolutions. But, this year, I’ve decided to work on me. I kind of started 9 months ago or so, but,”intentional” is more recent.
I realized how often I was saying I didn’t mean to do something, or I ran out of time. Ok, maybe I didn’t MEAN to yell at the kids. But, did I mean not to? I ran out of time and didn’t get the sheets washed on Saturday. Ok…did I run out of time? Or did I find other, unimportant things that I chose instead? I didn’t mean to gain so much weight, but, I certainly wasn’t intentionally keeping it off.
So I started this year asking myself questions. As the year has progressed, I’ve added more questions. Am I choosing to do this or am I doing it out of habit? laziness? Am I deliberately doing this? Am I procrastinating by doing this instead of that?
And, I’ve decided that it is ok to be lazy sometimes. But, I don’t want to do it out of habit. I have talked to Brad in the evenings before and said “I am deliberately choosing to not set my alarm and go to the gym in the morning.”
But, by saying “I choose”, “I am deliberately”, “I am intentionally”… it keeps me accountable to myself. I can’t get away with excuses as easily anymore.
And, the change has apparently been noticeable. To the point Brad has stolen my word of the year! He will get up and say “look, I am intentionally putting my shoes away because I know it annoys you to have them in the entryway.”. “I am deliberately getting up right now to hang up those shelves before I forget.”
It really seems to be working for me, as a way to change some behaviors and attitudes. It is hard, even to tell yourself “I am purposely overspending on the grocery budget this week.” or “I completely mean to drive 10 mph faster than the sign says.”