We had a party on the 12th. We just wanted a party. My parents showed up super early, which was frustrating, then I found out they weren’t leaving when they said they were, which then caused a conflict. I was trying to explain. It wasn’t going well.
It ended up with my mom bawling, my dad screaming he was never abusive, and I was just mad because they took away my flying lessons when I was 16 because I was doing drugs. He stood on my deck and shouted that I did drugs, I do drugs, I am a druggie. I said “I have no idea what you are talking about, I have NEVER done drugs.” and he said “yeah, because we stopped you.” For me to explain the absurdity of ANY of this would take days. Allow me just to say, I’ve never done drugs, I was told I couldn’t fly anymore because it was too expensive. Now, I think it was because I had just been accepted to college, without telling them, and they were punishing me. But anyway, I was never even OFFERED drugs until I was 24. I’ve never even seen pot. Seriously. It is almost embarrassing how naive i am when it comes to this topic. I have joked with my husband many times that not ever doing drugs is the ONE thing i’ve even done right in my life. And then to come out with this? In front of my neighbors? My kids’ friends’ parents? Plus, his “proof” was an actual impossibility. Luckily the party hadn’t started yet. I told him to leave, he wouldn’t. Brad made him leave. Mom left too.
We had our party, it went alright. Then, we left for a few days in Canada. I haven’t heard a word from them. And, I feel good. They were/are toxic. And, I have multiple siblings who will back up my version of events, that my parents insist never happened. I don’t think you can fix something no one will acknowledge is broken.
I couldn’t figure out why I seemed to be making so many enemies lately. A friend made sense of it for me though. For almost 30 years I have let people walk all over me, I’ve tried to keep the peace. I’ve decided to put my own boundaries in place. I won’t try to change or fix you, but don’t make me deal with your issues. And, since I can’t be easily pushed over anymore, they’ve decided to come full force. I was able to recognize what my mother said as manipulation, and what my father said as crazy. I’ve never been able to do that before.
Brad and I explained to the boys we wouldn’t be visiting them anymore. They took it better than expected, they saw the whole thing. Then, they let loose with their own rants and why this was a good thing for them.
Then, we took the kids to the pool, and Brad and I hit the hot tub and I said “well, I suppose this will make our holidays less hectic”. We began to talk, and come up with a plan. And, I’m actually really looking forward to implementing our plan this year.
I just feel like so much stress has been taken off.
The funny (not funny amusing, but funny strange) thing is, while my mom and I talked, before dad joined in, she said “what did you want me to do?” I said “stand up for us once in awhile? Not just let him rant and rage and then tell me I’m too emotional.” Dad came back, and ranted and raged, for probably 10 minutes and I told him to leave. He left, I turned to my mom and said “I never, not once, have ever done drugs.” and she said “I know. I suppose you want me to leave now too, you’re obviously too emotional to talk.”
My dad is insane, and I’ve never liked him anyway. I won’t deal with the crazy. And,my mom asked what she could do, was given the perfect opportunity, but still let him embarrass me in front of the neighbors, in front of my husband, in front of my kids. Her parting words made it clear, she had no intention of working on this, just attempting to manipulate me back into “behaving”.
She walked away with a final “what Punkie? If I divorce him now will that be enough for you? Will you be happy then?”
No, I won’t. You couldn’t even say “stop that, she’s never done drugs.”.
The straw that broke the camel’s back.