With everything going on here, I’m learning a lot about what people think about me.
It would seem that several weeks ago, after the whole thing with my parents, my best friend Ann shouted “How can she be so different from everyone else?” and Brad answered back “Because she was the only one strong enough to be.” She told me about this the other day, it was sweet.
She told me about it when we went out for lunch, she wanted to go out so she could ask my advice about a guy situation. After listening for a bit, I said something like “Ok, so, you are a booty call.” And she laughed at me. she said “this is why I wanted to talk to you. You are going to tell me how it is, no matter how hard I try to convince myself otherwise. I needed you and your no nonsense advice.”
Last night I was talking to Mike, and he told me about all the other people he’s talked to and their advice (which seems to be “stay married, no matter what”) So, I heaved a sigh and collapsed dramatically on the sofa. “Mike, I feel like you need deprogrammed every time you talk to anyone. You get home, and tell me all this stuff. Which is all crap. It’s over. Done. You cannot sit here and tell me you want what is best for your kids, while going back and forth, and letting their mom blow all the money for bills, and going over there and screaming at each other every day.” Later, he was telling me about how divorce destroys children, and he was heartbroken hoping for years his parents would get back together, but his dad kept leaving. And I said “But you are MAKING this stressful. You keep going over every afternoon and pretending everything is the same, then leaving. Why wouldn’t they think you were gonna work it out. Stop it. if you are gonna see the kids, go get them, pick them up, go to the park, and ignore Sis.” and he said “This is why I love you and why I wanted to stay here. Everybody else is telling me what I want to hear, and what they want to happen. And, you are not sugar coating this, and you’re right. I needed somebody here to give me a reality check, because I know I’m not thinking clearly. You’ve always been the one who is thinking clearly and takes charge and gets things done.”
and finally, the other day I went with Mike to get his things, and my brother saw us and smiled. “Mike is staying with you? Oh good. You are the best place for him. You’re always the best place when things need figured out. Like, if we want hugs or tears or sympathy or a pity party, you are the last person anyone should go to. You are no good at it. But, when we need shit to get done, and it’s a jumbled mess, we come to you. You look at this big ball of mess, and pull one string and it all starts making sense and straightening out.”
So, apparently, I am who you come to when you are ready for things to change, and need tough love.