Too many thoughts, too little time.

Posts tagged ‘law’

We Were Raised This Way

I recently read another blog post, We were Told to Do the Hard Things. Well, We Are.

I agree with much of the post, but what really resonated with me was this;

You know those concerns about advanced technology escaping our control and taking on a life of its own? In some sense, that is what is going on here. The leaders of the Christian homeschool movement set out to create an entire generation of culture changers. Well, they succeeded, but it’s our turn now. And they’re going to have to live with it.

Brad and I were the in the first big wave of home schooling. Maybe it wasn’t completely unheard of, but it was definitely weird. Mainly used by religious zealots. We probably fit into that category. Or, our parents did anyway.

We were told we were being home schooled to keep us from bad influences, because we’d give into peer pressure, because they didn’t want what they taught us to be undermined by anyone else. We needed to be kept from others until we were strong enough to fight for what we believed. We were supposed to stand up proud and defend our beliefs.

Somehow though, they never expected our beliefs to be different from theirs. We were supposed to grow up up and parrot back the things we’d been told for 18 yrs.

And, many of “us” did exactly that. But, some of us didn’t.

A lot of those kids are my age now. A lot of us are in our late twenties, early thirties, and have a lot to say. We’re a decade or more out now, we’ve learned to speak our minds, and make up our own minds. We’ve seen where our education was lacking, and where our up bringing bordered on abusive, and we finally realize it. Some of us tried to get help back then, but weren’t taken seriously, and realize we have a lot more power now.

Now, we are speaking our minds, we are standing up for what we believe. It is us standing up and asking for stricter regulations, more checks in place. We’re talking about all of this.

And, often, the parents have become the school bullies. The ones trying to shut us up, trying to discredit us. There are many of them fighting back saying that we have exaggerated our stories for sympathy and attention. That we have ulterior motives. I’ve even seen us compared to demons, being used by Satan, attacking good Christian families. These loving parents have destroyed their relationships older siblings have with younger ones… because they won’t allow the older sibling to say “this is wrong”.

They wanted us to be strong, to stand up for what we believed.

Now we are, but, we didn’t follow the script, so, they believe that by becoming everything we were taught to be, that we have become the enemy. We are supposed to shut up otherwise we lose our siblings, our parents. We are supposed to shut up because anecdotes do not equal data, we are supposed to shut up otherwise we will have more government in our lives and our children will be taken away. We are supposed to keep the secrets, because not EVERY family was like that.

That one always amuses me, in a sad sort of way.

“Don’t tell anyone about abuse, because there are so many families doing it right. And, don’t tell anyone about your upbringing, because it wasn’t that bad, there are so many families that abused their kids worse.”

Yes, we can’t tell, we can’t beg for more regulation, because there are many families who do teach their kids to read, and they shouldn’t be punished for the actions of the very few. But, we are also told that the isolation wasn’t that bad, because some people lock their kids in cages. The bruises weren’t that bad, because some people break bones. It wasn’t real abuse, because other people had it worse. (And then you have the nerve to question why i didn’t have my ex-husband arrested the first time he tried to run me over…because he didn’t succeed. Because he didn’t break any of my bones. Because he never punched me. So many women had it worse, you know. That’s why I didn’t tell.) You can’t have it both ways, you can’t say we don’t need more regulation because all the parents are good people, while saying your poor parenting didn’t need examined because SO MANY people were worse.

I am thinking about doing a series about home schooling and change, this will be the first part. I have a lot to say, but, I don’t want to make today’s post a novel.

Election platform for a ban on critical thinking?!

Very Scary

I was reading today, and came across this story.

I thought, surely this must be a mistake. Seriously? No more critical thinking? And THAT is one of your platforms? So, I went to the actual document to read it. I will admit, there are some things I agree with, but, for the most part, this is ridiculous.

“We oppose the teaching of Higher Order Thinking Skills (HOTS) (values
clarification), critical thinking skills and similar programs that are simply a relabeling of Outcome-Based
Education (OBE) (mastery learning) which focus on behavior modification and have the purpose of challenging
the student’s fixed beliefs and undermining parental authority”

I don’t think random people should go around undermining parental authority, however, I also think if you believe something, it should be able to stand up to some scrutiny. If your 10 year old comes running to you about something they learned in school, you should be able to explain WHY you don’t believe or agree with what they were told. Why is it a bad thing to have your fixed beliefs challenged? There are literally hundreds of quotes about going through adversity and coming out stronger, why should our beliefs be any different?

Adversity is the first path to truth.  ~Lord Byron

I’ve been teased recently about my incessant “why” questions. And, it isn’t because I want to change someone’s beliefs, it is because I’m trying to understand them. I’ve heard people blame liberal colleges for their sons and daughters turning their backs on Christianity. I can’t say I agree with this. I think college helps build your critical thinking skills. I think it allows you to question things, and I think that is a good thing. But, when these kids raised with”because I/the Bible says so, that’s why” as their only reasoning for doing, they will question it. I went though a long period of questioning everything. I was told by many “that’s why it’s called faith. I don’t know, you just have to accept it.” Which, honestly pushed me further away. But, I finally met two preachers who welcomed my questions. Who said “I don’t know,so, let’s try to figure it out.” or, one of my favorite quotes to this day “Go ahead, question. If something is true, it will stand up to your questions, and if it isn’t, it won’t and you shouldn’t be worried about it anyway.”

Why would you want to discourage a child’s natural “why”?

Some more quotes from the document

We support objective teaching and equal treatment of all sides of scientific theories.
We believe theories such as life origins and environmental change should be taught as challengeable scientific theories subject to change as new data is produced. Teachers and students should be able to discuss the strengths and weaknesses of these theories openly and without fear of retribution or discrimination of any kind

Really? And how exactly is one to question and discuss theories without being taught critical thinking skills? Isn’t that questioning authority?

We strongly oppose those efforts that attempt to use the environmental causes to purposefully disrupt and stop those interests within the oil and gas industry

Well, of course, we’d hate for the environment to get in the way of oil company profits. There is also a blurb in here about abolishing the endangered species act.

– We propose that every Texas driver license shall indicate whether the driver is a U.S. citizen.

You know, I’m marrying a non-citizen, and I’d hate for him to be opened up for harassment because he doesn’t have the Texas stamp of approval.

We call upon governmental entities to protect all symbols of our American heritage from being altered in any way

Seems awfully broad to me.

We oppose the recognition of and granting of benefits to people who represent themselves as domestic partners without being legally married

Right, because the only relationship that counts is the one Texas has okay’d. I won’t repost the WHOLE paragraph, but, it says Texas gets to define who is or is not a family, and once TX has made that choice for you, then the “family” is responsible enough to handle ” its own welfare, education, moral training, conduct, and property. Got it, so, in TX Aussie and I are not a family, therefore the decisions we’ve made, in buying cars together, sharing a bank account, painting the deck, paying our bills, and deciding between the two of us to homeschool the kids,are invalid. However, once we get a piece of paper from the state, (which we are allowed SOLEY because he’s a man and I’m a woman) all the past heathen decisions are now acceptable to the state.

We affirm that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society and contributes to the breakdown of the family unit. Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God, recognized by our country’s founders, and shared by the majority of Texans. Homosexuality must not be presented as an acceptable “alternative” lifestyle, in public policy, nor should “family” be redefined to include homosexual “couples.”

You know what I think has more of an effect on families than gay marriage? Straight people starting families and then not taking their vows, their commitments or their responsibilities seriously. I’d rather bring back fault divorce than worry about if two guys wanna get married.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of paragraphs talking about God, our Christian heritage, how schools should have curriculum based on this, then lots of paragraphs about religious freedom and liberty. So, which is it? Whose freedom and liberty?

I think this is probably enough for now, and I wonder how many Republican voters (or Democrats) actually know what they are supporting?

The More Vitriol You Spew, the More I Like the People Against You

Yes, and who cares about a few lives when there is money involved?

I realize, I am taking this personally, and it isn’t personal, however, this sort of thing is exactly why I have an anonymous blog.

I was driving home yesterday from St. Louis when the Supreme Court handed down their judgement on Obamacare. NPR’s coverage of it seemed to be fair and balanced, but, because I was driving I kept losing stations. I ended up on some talk radio station where commenters were calling in, saying things like “I am just trying not to cry *sniff sniff* but what is happening to our country?” *cue quiet sobbing. And the host was saying things like

“This is a terrible day for America.”

“We are slowly becoming a Communist Country”

“Everything the Nazis did was legal too”

“These people cheering for this are parasites, they are leeches. We’d be better off if they all left the country, or didn’t get health care and died. They are parasites who will continue to suck the life out of hardworking, good, people and won’t be happy until they have all we have without working a day for it.”

That last group of sentence was the one that really made me mad. Especially because the whole show he kept talking about how Christian he was, how we were a God-fearing country, etc. In the segment before the health care one, they were discussing adoption. Apparently, if you adopt a child, there is a $13,000 tax credit. Which, according to the garbage he was saying, shouldn’t be allowed. I mean, if you aren’t lucky enough to be able to make a baby on your own, or afford it on your own, you should be SOL, right? (This is NOT my opinion, I’m just sayin’!” But, no, that is acceptable. Again, with the Christian stuff, and the agency continued to stress how they wanted these kids to go to Christian homes, and that they had over 2500 kids in need of adoption, many family groups or older kids. And, I just quietly fumed that at  this point in my life, if I wanted to help a child, they wouldn’t let me because I’m not “Christian” enough. I’m a good person, a good mom, and NOT on government assistance, but, I live with my boyfriend, so, we can make all the babies we want (hypothetically) but, we can’t help a child in need. If we get married tomorrow, by tomorrow evening we are Christian enough, but, not today. Just…wow.

So, anyway, my mom calls me and says she doesn’t understand what just happened. I haven’t had the opportunity at that point to know anything except what was on the radio, but I try to tell her what I know and explain it. She starts in on how this is a slippery slope, how could this happen. It is terrible, why should they have to pay for people who won’t work. Do I even know how many people abuse the system, blah blah blah. I tried to point out some good things, like the fact kids can be on their parent’s insurance until age 26, women can’t be charged significantly more for health care than men anymore, and insurance companies can’t turn you down for preexisting conditions. To which she replies that the government is overstepping it boundaries, that we need less government in our lives (and our uterus’s, right mom? but no, THAT is ok), couldn’t they see what a bad idea this was, that it isn’t the governments job to take care of everyone, it is families and the church’s job. At this point, I realized I would be fighting a losing battle. So, you get the argument I would have liked to make.

1. The Supreme Court’s job is not to  decide if something is a good idea or not, it is to decide if things are constitutional or not, that is all.

2. My parents generally end up with like $12,000 a year in a tax return, they aren’t paying crap to take care of anyone, including themselves.

3. The churches are doing a lousy job at helping people in need. I remember going to their church when I really needed help after my ex left, and there was no money to help me. I needed my furnace fixed, and they couldn’t help, at all. Since then (5 yrs) they’ve added 3 new wings and a gym to their church.

4. And, if you want to go the Christian route with your argument, a quick google search shows the Bible mentions helping the poor between 300-400 times.

It mentions pulling yourself up by your boot straps and/or “God helps those who help themselves” exactly zero times each.

5. Continuing with the Christian argument, how many times does the Bible say to forgive someone? In Matthew 18:21-22 says seventy times seven times. So, 490 times. So, yes, there may be people taking advantage of the welfare system, they may be dishonest and lying, but, forgive them, and move on. I am thinking the admonishment not to covet also may apply here.

6. Alright, time to explain why this is personal. About two and a half years ago, I went to the dr for a small problem. She found precancerous cells on my cervix, I had to make an appointment to have them removed, and I needed a follow up appointment to make sure they got them all and it hadn’t spread. I got the first part taken care of, but, I never made the follow up, because, I couldn’t afford it. I was barely affording food, let alone dr appointment, so, I have held my breath and hoped for the best. Now, I’m getting married, I’m supposed to get health insurance when we get married, but I was very very afraid that I wouldn’t be allowed to have it, because this would count as a preexisting condition, and now, it doesn’t matter. So, now, 3 yrs after they first found the cells, I will be able to go back for my follow up. Now, as far as family helping, I have a huge family, and, it wasn’t that I couldn’t get enough help…I couldn’t get ANY help.

So, my super conservative religious family is against this because it is the church’s job, and the families job to help people. Neither the church or them helped me, so, what exactly am I supposed to do? Apparently it’s cool to just let me possibly die because they can’t afford to help? Really?

It is extremely hurtful that for a couple years there, I was considered a parasite and society was better off without me. It hurts quite a bit to realize, you and people like you are seen as dollar signs to the “loving and compassionate” religious right.

I don’t consider myself a republican or a democrat, I really don’t. I think both sides have their pros and cons. If I have to pick one, I will pick more liberal. I won’t take a stance on Obamacare, because I haven’t done enough research, and listening to talking heads on the radio is not research, no matter what people think. But, if you are going to make illogical arguments, I will pick them apart.

And, I’ve seen both sides do this…they shout the stupidest things, while calling names, and saying things like “nobody with half a brain could be on the other side.” Why is it so difficult to actually make an argument? Why is it so hard when somebody has a good point to say “I hadn’t thought about that, I will need to look into it some more?” Why is it so much easier to call names and point fingers than it is to go on your way, being kind?

I think something drastic needs to be done to fix our economy, but, I don’t think calling people who need help names and saying they’d be better off dead is the correct way to go about it.

And, is your goal to be right, or to change things? I promise, I listened to both the radio show and my mother and not once did they say anything that made me think this new law was a bad idea, they didn’t explain the problem with the law, just the problem with the people who like it. I would love to hear opinions from people, but, am I stupid to think they can be done without name calling and hiding behind religion?

I am a gold digger and a 5 letter word that rhymes with stitch.

Wait, you mean this isn’t how it works?

I just thought you should know…according to a guy I haven’t spoken to in years, and before that, I only spoke with online long enough to know I don’t want to go out sometime.

It’s apparently a two post day.

I logged on to check my e-mail this morning, and an IM popped up. It was someone I had met on a dating site years ago, and, I hadn’t blocked him, though I also hadn’t started the conversation. I never do. He asked how I was, and I said I was great, planning my wedding. My usual response to the guys I met that way. It’s a not so subtle way to let them know I’m not open to being hit on or anything. It usually works well. If they can be polite, I chat. If they want to be jerks or disrespect my relationship, they get blocked.

So, the guy says “cool, have your prenup all ready?”

I said “lol, no, I have nothing, and if we divorce and he wants the blender, he can have it.”

The guy then says “then he’s an idiot for not having one. Marriage is a trap for men, you’ll leave for some imagined slight and take him for everything he’s got, and still demand child support.”

I said “well, you know, he has my history to go with. In my last divorce, I wanted my kids, my clothes and my car.”

He replied back with “oh, YOUR kids. I bet he has to pay you child support too. That should be done away with, it isn’t for the kids, it is for the mom.”

I said “yes, well, I was living large on that $10/week I got. While I paid $60 for soccer, which he comes to, but doesn’t help pay for.”

He said “So, now I suppose you’ll just have him arrested while still demanding child support and alimony”

I said “I wish I could have him arrested, but $10 for two kids ‘shows he is trying’ and this state doesn’t do alimony.”

So, this guy continued on and on and on…laws favor women, any man who  get married is a fool, I’m completely wrong about divorce laws (you know, the person studying law, and just got a divorce probably knows less than the mechanic who’s never been married, right?) That he hopes for this guys sake I don’t go after him for CS when we get divorced, and we will because obviously I am a gold digging, unreasonable, bitch.

I told him, he can relax about Aussie, because we won’t be having kids together, if he wants to go, he is free to never have anything to do with me again.

So…here we go…

Most states are going to 50/50 custody, no matter what.

Most states have or are doing away with alimony.

People don’t get arrested for not paying child support, they get a slap on the wrist and told to do better.

Mothers are held to a higher standard then fathers. I had CPS called on me, BY MY EX, because my kids shared a room. Meanwhile, ELEVEN people were living in his one bedroom apartment, and as long as the kids weren’t in danger, it was no big deal.

This man tried to run me over, while I held my sons hand, and he still gets visitation. He strangled me until I blacked out, and because he took anger management classes, he still gets to see the kids.

He comes to the soccer games, that I paid for the kids to play. He lost their cleats during visitation, which I had to replace, then HE sold the “lost” ones in a garage sale. He doesn’t feed them before I pick them up, no matter what time that is, but, demands I feed them before he picks them up, because otherwise, there is  no time and they will be hungry. But, he tried to take custody from me, on the basis of I don’t feed them enough hamburger.

We agreed I’d be a stay at home mom, and when he left, I was shit out of luck.

He let a woman, who had just gotten out of jail for battery of a child under 14, babysit, and I couldn’t say a damn thing about it. It was his time with them.

He wrecked his motorcycle 3 times last summer and still took our son on rides, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

I’m glad the law favors me though.

This is the guy who gave me sole custody, so he could pay less in child support. That is how important the kids are to him. But, I’m the gold digger who wants them more, which will cost more money, but took less money for the privilege.

And then, this dumbass tells me, I am the idiot who wanted kids with the loser, I have no one to blame but myself and I deserve it for all my bad choices. (He got blocked, then started in from other e-mail addresses). You know…funny thing…I know. I know I made bad choices. I know I didn’t listen to myself when I should have. I wanted to call off the wedding, I told him that…two weeks later I found out I was pregnant, and our parents began putting tons of pressure on to get married. I told him to leave us, and he wouldn’t. I was an 18 yr old, who always had to do what my parents said, who had absolutely no life experience, who was scared and really did think it would be best for the baby, though I wasn’t too happy about it. But, I’m not a romantic person, I don’t believe in “the one” and I think it’s possible to have several soul mates (though I knew he wasn’t mine) so, I naively thought, as long as we both tried, we could make it work, and I married him anyway. The thing was, he used to be a really nice guy. I didn’t marry an asshole, I didn’t marry a wife beater, I didn’t marry a cheater. I married a guy who hadn’t grown up yet, and I take responsibility for that. I will take responsibility for having kids as well, but, that is it. It isn’t my fault who he turned in to, it isn’t my fault how he chose to handle it, it isn’t my fault he hasn’t chosen to grow up yet. It isn’t my fault he cheated, and it isn’t my fault he got abusive, and it isn’t my fault he won’t take care of the kids or be reasonable…right?

And you know what, that does scare me…I already married one nice guy and look where that got me. What if Brad changes? Is it my fault then too? I’m older now…I know more…I don’t think I’d put up with as much, but, that hasn’t been tested yet.We’re responsible grown ups…but…what if he changes his mind? Joe never gave me a reason…so, how can I stop it from happening again? I know…like I said, we’re older now, we’ve moved slowly, at two and a half yrs in with Joe we were married and expecting our second baby. Aussie and I aren’t even technically engaged yet, so, I hope that by taking more time to make sure he was right for me that will help, but I know it is no guarantee.

You know what…I think marriage is serious, if there is no abuse or infidelity, to damn bad, you made a promise, you signed a contract…fix whatever need fixed.

I think, if you cheat, you should lose rights. You are showing out right, you are not concerned about what is best for your kids. I think custody hearings should consider whose fault it is the marriage is over.

I think no fault divorce is a pile of shit.  If you can PROVE your spouse cheated, if you can prove he took vacation time to screw somebody else rather than spend time with his family, if you can prove she used the grocery money on a hotel room for her and her boss, then that should play into divorce, into custody, into spousal support. Why should anyone take marriage seriously anymore, there is no consequence for being a lying asshole? The “winner” is not the moral one, is not the one who tried to keep their family together, it is the person with a better lawyer.

Families are just as broken as our legal system, but nobody wants to fix it. It’s too hard, it’s no fun, what if it backfires? It’s too complicated…maybe the medical community should come up with a pill for it.

Tag Cloud