I just thought you should know…according to a guy I haven’t spoken to in years, and before that, I only spoke with online long enough to know I don’t want to go out sometime.
It’s apparently a two post day.
I logged on to check my e-mail this morning, and an IM popped up. It was someone I had met on a dating site years ago, and, I hadn’t blocked him, though I also hadn’t started the conversation. I never do. He asked how I was, and I said I was great, planning my wedding. My usual response to the guys I met that way. It’s a not so subtle way to let them know I’m not open to being hit on or anything. It usually works well. If they can be polite, I chat. If they want to be jerks or disrespect my relationship, they get blocked.
So, the guy says “cool, have your prenup all ready?”
I said “lol, no, I have nothing, and if we divorce and he wants the blender, he can have it.”
The guy then says “then he’s an idiot for not having one. Marriage is a trap for men, you’ll leave for some imagined slight and take him for everything he’s got, and still demand child support.”
I said “well, you know, he has my history to go with. In my last divorce, I wanted my kids, my clothes and my car.”
He replied back with “oh, YOUR kids. I bet he has to pay you child support too. That should be done away with, it isn’t for the kids, it is for the mom.”
I said “yes, well, I was living large on that $10/week I got. While I paid $60 for soccer, which he comes to, but doesn’t help pay for.”
He said “So, now I suppose you’ll just have him arrested while still demanding child support and alimony”
I said “I wish I could have him arrested, but $10 for two kids ‘shows he is trying’ and this state doesn’t do alimony.”
So, this guy continued on and on and on…laws favor women, any man who get married is a fool, I’m completely wrong about divorce laws (you know, the person studying law, and just got a divorce probably knows less than the mechanic who’s never been married, right?) That he hopes for this guys sake I don’t go after him for CS when we get divorced, and we will because obviously I am a gold digging, unreasonable, bitch.
I told him, he can relax about Aussie, because we won’t be having kids together, if he wants to go, he is free to never have anything to do with me again.
So…here we go…
Most states are going to 50/50 custody, no matter what.
Most states have or are doing away with alimony.
People don’t get arrested for not paying child support, they get a slap on the wrist and told to do better.
Mothers are held to a higher standard then fathers. I had CPS called on me, BY MY EX, because my kids shared a room. Meanwhile, ELEVEN people were living in his one bedroom apartment, and as long as the kids weren’t in danger, it was no big deal.
This man tried to run me over, while I held my sons hand, and he still gets visitation. He strangled me until I blacked out, and because he took anger management classes, he still gets to see the kids.
He comes to the soccer games, that I paid for the kids to play. He lost their cleats during visitation, which I had to replace, then HE sold the “lost” ones in a garage sale. He doesn’t feed them before I pick them up, no matter what time that is, but, demands I feed them before he picks them up, because otherwise, there is no time and they will be hungry. But, he tried to take custody from me, on the basis of I don’t feed them enough hamburger.
We agreed I’d be a stay at home mom, and when he left, I was shit out of luck.
He let a woman, who had just gotten out of jail for battery of a child under 14, babysit, and I couldn’t say a damn thing about it. It was his time with them.
He wrecked his motorcycle 3 times last summer and still took our son on rides, and I couldn’t do anything about it.
I’m glad the law favors me though.
This is the guy who gave me sole custody, so he could pay less in child support. That is how important the kids are to him. But, I’m the gold digger who wants them more, which will cost more money, but took less money for the privilege.
And then, this dumbass tells me, I am the idiot who wanted kids with the loser, I have no one to blame but myself and I deserve it for all my bad choices. (He got blocked, then started in from other e-mail addresses). You know…funny thing…I know. I know I made bad choices. I know I didn’t listen to myself when I should have. I wanted to call off the wedding, I told him that…two weeks later I found out I was pregnant, and our parents began putting tons of pressure on to get married. I told him to leave us, and he wouldn’t. I was an 18 yr old, who always had to do what my parents said, who had absolutely no life experience, who was scared and really did think it would be best for the baby, though I wasn’t too happy about it. But, I’m not a romantic person, I don’t believe in “the one” and I think it’s possible to have several soul mates (though I knew he wasn’t mine) so, I naively thought, as long as we both tried, we could make it work, and I married him anyway. The thing was, he used to be a really nice guy. I didn’t marry an asshole, I didn’t marry a wife beater, I didn’t marry a cheater. I married a guy who hadn’t grown up yet, and I take responsibility for that. I will take responsibility for having kids as well, but, that is it. It isn’t my fault who he turned in to, it isn’t my fault how he chose to handle it, it isn’t my fault he hasn’t chosen to grow up yet. It isn’t my fault he cheated, and it isn’t my fault he got abusive, and it isn’t my fault he won’t take care of the kids or be reasonable…right?
And you know what, that does scare me…I already married one nice guy and look where that got me. What if Brad changes? Is it my fault then too? I’m older now…I know more…I don’t think I’d put up with as much, but, that hasn’t been tested yet.We’re responsible grown ups…but…what if he changes his mind? Joe never gave me a reason…so, how can I stop it from happening again? I know…like I said, we’re older now, we’ve moved slowly, at two and a half yrs in with Joe we were married and expecting our second baby. Aussie and I aren’t even technically engaged yet, so, I hope that by taking more time to make sure he was right for me that will help, but I know it is no guarantee.
You know what…I think marriage is serious, if there is no abuse or infidelity, to damn bad, you made a promise, you signed a contract…fix whatever need fixed.
I think, if you cheat, you should lose rights. You are showing out right, you are not concerned about what is best for your kids. I think custody hearings should consider whose fault it is the marriage is over.
I think no fault divorce is a pile of shit. If you can PROVE your spouse cheated, if you can prove he took vacation time to screw somebody else rather than spend time with his family, if you can prove she used the grocery money on a hotel room for her and her boss, then that should play into divorce, into custody, into spousal support. Why should anyone take marriage seriously anymore, there is no consequence for being a lying asshole? The “winner” is not the moral one, is not the one who tried to keep their family together, it is the person with a better lawyer.
Families are just as broken as our legal system, but nobody wants to fix it. It’s too hard, it’s no fun, what if it backfires? It’s too complicated…maybe the medical community should come up with a pill for it.